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The Wheels of Just-ish

Garth Brown |

Ed outlined the rules by which we will determine allowable foods, but there’s one caveat large enough to warrant its own post. Last summer, while we were ironing out the specifics, we had a significant disagreement. I wanted to allow a monthly exception of some sort, while Ed was more of a purist. I won’t re-litigate the whole thing, because we took the matter before the Hon. John Hodgman. The trial can be heard here.


I recommend both this episode specifically and the show generally.

The upshot is that Judge Hodgman nominally sided with me but mostly took the opportunity to lay out a series of requirements that he found amusing.

Unlimited quantities of: salt, pepper, vitamins.

Arbitrary exception: one bottle of olive oil.

Ordered to make: hot sauce, scrapple if we don’t want to eat Habbersett.

One day per month we are to choose and consume one item from the following list: wine, coffee, chocolate, bottle of gin (size unspecified), Habbersett brand scrapple, Duck Dynasty brand beef jerky, two liter bottle of Moxie, two liter bottle of Fresca, package of Cheez Waffies, Ramen noodles (prepared), Ramen noodles (unprepared), bag of shredded soy cheese, Kraft Dinner from Canada and finally one banana each from the Kennebunkport southbound service plaza, as well as one slice of Sbarro pizza

There are fourteen items here, and it’s hard to pick which two to skip when so many of the choices are pretty rough (soy cheese), and others are perhaps more difficult to execute than the judge realized for people who have livestock (anything requiring a road trip to Maine or Canada).

Today we went with Fresca. We all did things in college we’re ashamed to admit, and foremost among mine was occasionally having a glass of this beverage. So I had an inkling of what we were in for, though the passing of the years, the changing of my tastes and various other inhibiting factors had blessedly clouded my memory of too specific a recollection.

Fresca: Tasting Notes and Description

It effervesces appealingly as it pours from a green plastic bottle, though the color is strangely gray. This will prove to be the high point of the tasting.

Ed: “It’s not as sweet as I thought, but it’s still very sweet, and it’s got that-”


Ed: “Is that what gives you that weird fuzzy tongue feeling?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Ed: “Smells fine. Like grapefruit. The sweetness isn’t as overwhelming as I thought it would be.”

Me: “ But it’s strange. There’s initial sweetness, followed by grapefruity acidity and then lingering, mouth-coating sweetness again.”

Ed: “I really do get a fuzzy tongue from it.”

Me: “The smell is pretty one note.”

Ed: “Yeah, the nose is grapefruit.”

Me: “There’s a subtle artificial thing too.”

Ed: “It’s like chewing on a towel soaked in sugar."

Me: “I’m not getting that.”

(Silence and further drinking.)

Ed: “It’s making my stomach hurt.”

Me: “Mine too.”

(Silence and further drinking.)

Me (near the end of my glass): “It’s getting worse.”

Ed (done his glass): "It’s awful."

Overall grade: D minus. The more you drink, the less you want to drink.

One housekeeping note - from now on new posts will go up Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

Garth Brown

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